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How is York's Demise
Publish it!! It's that good!
50%
 50% [ 7 ]
Good
7%
 7% [ 1 ]
Average
14%
 14% [ 2 ]
Bad
14%
 14% [ 2 ]
Take a writing class!! (Don't vote here for a joke)
14%
 14% [ 2 ]
Total Votes : 14
 

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Sergeant Lyeman
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PostSubject: Re: York's Demise   Mon Aug 11, 2008 8:29 pm

who voted "bad" and "take a writing class!"???
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PostSubject: Re: York's Demise   Mon Aug 11, 2008 10:47 pm

Rob maybe...
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Sergeant Lyeman
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PostSubject: Re: York's Demise   Tue Aug 12, 2008 7:13 am

yeah, thats true, considering he has like 5 different profiles.
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Admiral Reynolds
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PostSubject: Re: York's Demise   Tue Aug 12, 2008 11:20 am

I really hate it when people give me bad criticism just for a joke. If they aren't going to be serious then they shouldn't vote.
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Sergeant Lyeman
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PostSubject: Re: York's Demise   Tue Aug 12, 2008 11:23 am

Just ignore them, you know that me, Chris, s-t-n, G4, Noret, and ralok took it seriously
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PostSubject: Re: York's Demise   Tue Aug 12, 2008 11:26 am

i know all of you did. you're all from the UEAW forums and have heard of my work, but what about others?
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PostSubject: Re: York's Demise   Tue Aug 12, 2008 11:28 am

They are.... I cant think of the word. You really should publish this. Or get a more secure area to post. * Looks around* People might steal it.
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PostSubject: Re: York's Demise   Tue Aug 12, 2008 11:30 am

who would steal it and where could i publish?
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PostSubject: Re: York's Demise   Tue Aug 12, 2008 11:31 am

A) Bad people.

B) I think some one heree said something about a publisher... not sure.
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PostSubject: Re: York's Demise   Tue Aug 12, 2008 11:41 am

JediMasterJL wrote:
A) Bad people.

B) I think some one heree said something about a publisher... not sure.

I guess i'd better remove my old posts then
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PostSubject: Re: York's Demise   Tue Aug 12, 2008 11:57 am

JediMasterJL wrote:
A) Bad people.

B) I think some one heree said something about a publisher... not sure.

B was me. My english teacher is an editor and owns a small printing company
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PostSubject: Re: York's Demise   Wed Aug 13, 2008 4:23 pm

by the way, i received that PM you sent me.
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Sergeant Lyeman
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PostSubject: Re: York's Demise   Wed Aug 13, 2008 5:48 pm

ah, ok. Would you want to or no?



he is kind of a jerk but he is very smart and will help you if you want
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PostSubject: Re: York's Demise   Thu Aug 14, 2008 11:24 am

I think i'll pass on him.
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Sergeant Lyeman
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PostSubject: Re: York's Demise   Thu Aug 14, 2008 11:31 am

oh well... No
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PostSubject: Re: York's Demise   Thu Aug 14, 2008 11:37 am

I just want to see if there is anyone else before I make a decision.
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PostSubject: Re: York's Demise   Thu Aug 14, 2008 11:39 am

understandable.
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PostSubject: Re: York's Demise   Thu Aug 14, 2008 11:42 am

I wonder if ay of those big publishers would be interrested?
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PostSubject: Re: York's Demise   Thu Aug 14, 2008 12:30 pm

if you give them a sample, and dont sound like youre begging, you might get their attention.

And if you would like I could still talk to Eleveld for you, he has a lot of connections (just throwing the idea out there)
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PostSubject: Re: York's Demise   Fri Aug 15, 2008 3:22 pm

you can try that if you want.
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PostSubject: Re: York's Demise   Fri Aug 15, 2008 3:57 pm

well Im asking you, Reynolds. Should I give Eleveld a sample to look at?
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PostSubject: Re: York's Demise   Sun Aug 17, 2008 11:51 am

you can if you want. As long as you don't try to make it seem like it was your own work.
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PostSubject: Re: York's Demise   Sun Aug 17, 2008 5:05 pm

I'm on your side, Reynolds. I'm willing to bug Eleveld to no end for you if you so desire. I will hand him 2-3 chapters for him to look at. If you could, pick 2-3 consecutive chapters that you think are the best, and are willing to share with him

(please) ((send them in a PM or e-mail them to Robinapprentice@gmail.com)
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PostSubject: Re: York's Demise   Wed Aug 20, 2008 11:36 am

Chapter 8
0953 Hours, June 12, 2613 (Military Calendar)/
Orbital Defense Station Delta, in orbit over the
planet York



Captain Derek Stewart sat at a table, playing poker. He held in his hand the best that he could wish for: four aces. He watched as the other players, all of them members of his squadron, Banshee, anted up. He suppressed a smile, using his best poker face to try and sucker the rest of them.

Derek raised fifty dollars and was matched by all the others. This was just too good. Soon, he will have enough for what he needed. He was about to show his hand when the alarms went off. He looked around at the other pilots; they all stared at him. He showed his hand and the other pilots slumped as their leader took all the money.

The captain stood and walked out of the room and started running at full speed toward the hangar, followed closely by his squadmates. He and the others soon arrived at the hangar, where dozens of other pilots were getting into their craft.

Derek ran to his Peregrine, the primary fighter of the US military, climbed the ladder, and sat in the cockpit. The ladder was pulled away and the captain immediately began prepping his fighter for launch.

“All wings report in,” he said.

“Banshee 7, ready.”

“Banshee 3, ready.”

“Banshee 2, standing-by.”

The other pilots soon called in, reporting that they were all ready for combat. “This is Captain Stewart to Tower. Banshee Squadron is ready to launch.”

“Negative,” the tower responded. “You don’t have proper clearance for launch.”

“To hell with clearance,” the captain replied sternly. “You launch my squadron. And if the radio chatter serves, then you can’t afford to hold the best squadron you have. And another thing, this is a direct order from a superior officer.”

“Hell,” the Tower replied. “I’ll launch you just to see what command will do to you after this is over.”

“Roger that.” Derek switched off the COM and readied himself for launch. I just hope that we’ll be able to make it through this.
The Peregrine was placed on the catapult. Captain Stewart checked over his harnesses one last time. He looked out in front of him to see a cruiser racing toward the battle.

He was suddenly pressed back in his seat as his fighter was launched into space. He immediately activated his thrusters, bringing control to his fighter. He looked down at the scanners to see that the other members of his squadron had been launched.

When the rest of his squadron had taken flanking positions, the captain said, “It’s time to add more kills to our record. We’re not going to let those rookies of Tempest outdo us.”

Everyone agreed enthusiastically. The captain was glad to hear that they were ready to what they could. He looked down at his instruments and noticed that there was a message on one of the screens. It read:


United States Space Command PRIORITY ALPHA
Encryption Code: Red
From: Admiral Franklin Gates, Commanding Officer of York Planetary Defense Fleet, USS John Adams
To: ALL US ships in York and Highland systems
Subject: IMMEDIATE RECALL
Classification: Classified

/message starts/
Torinth fleet of over two hundred detected on the outer edges of the York system.
All US ships nearest to York are hereby ordered to fall back to the perimeter of the planet. Other craft are to meet at rally point TANGO at best possible speed.
ALL SHIPS are to have all data bases wiped immediately.
/end message/


Captain Stewart read over the message. He switched on the squadron’s COM frequency, “Banshees, we’re holding position. We’re going to let the Torinth come to us.”

“I don’t see why we have to,” said one of the pilots. “We should just take the fight to the Torinth and get it over with.”

“These orders come from Admiral Gates himself,” Derek replied. “I may not like them either but this is one person I’m not going to disobey.” He brought the fighter over and the squadron was soon flying beside a cruiser.

The squadron soon reached the perimeter of the planet. The captain slowed the craft down until it was floating in space. In the far distance, he could see the bright hulls of hundreds of Torinth ships, of various classes.

The voice of Admiral Gates came over the comm. “This is Admiral Gates. According to the data we’re gathering, ETA for the Torinth ships is forty minutes. That should be enough time for us to prepare for whatever those aliens are planning. Admiral Gates: Out.”

Captain Stewart felt uneasy about all of this. The Torinth showing up with such a large fleet would make anything uncomfortable. This however, with them having so much time to prepare didn’t set right with him.

He looked out the canopy and he could see scores of the alien ships, then suddenly they vanished. Derek blinked several times to make sure that he wasn’t hallucinating. The ships were gone.

In front of the battle group, less than a second after the squadron had seen the ships vanish, bright lights started to appear in front of them. Space warped and ripped, and soon he could see hyperspace windows. He knew what they were but he still could not believe it.

The Torinth ships had made a microjump through hyperspace, and if these few could do so, then that meant that the rest of the fleet could as well. Out of the rips in space came out Torinth frigates, destroyers, cruisers, and even a couple carriers as well.

“All Banshees,” said Derek as he readied himself and his craft for battle, “prepare for battle. We have unexpected guests at the front door.”

Soon, Captain Derek Stewart and the rest of Banshee Squadron raced toward the Torinth ships. Close behind, the York Planetary Defense Fleet followed; ready to stop the aliens from taking the planet under their protection.
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PostSubject: Re: York's Demise   Thu Aug 21, 2008 8:35 pm

Nice!

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